Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
