he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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