last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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