$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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