dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
