So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
