i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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