after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize