oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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