Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
