I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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