Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize