I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What a dumb baby whore.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
