He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
