i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Randomize
