it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
