What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
