I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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