Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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