It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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