I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
