I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
