hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
