I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
