I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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