Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight

Fav 4 1179 944
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(860): View more from Connecticut

but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers

Fav 32 3276 1547
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(601): View more from Mississippi

Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"

Fav 6 1418 3829
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(817): View more from Texas

New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.

Fav 13 4722 1316
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(678): View more from Georgia

He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.

Fav 20 6467 1217
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(919): View more from North Carolina

yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market

Fav 7 4078 1566
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.

Fav 3 4649 1136
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(480): View more from Arizona

Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...

Fav 4 617 1064
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...

Fav 1 43 13
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