i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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