call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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