last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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