Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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