Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
