nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
