I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
