is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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