so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just had sex on a roof
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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