Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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