Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This girl is more easily done than said...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
