im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
