I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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