dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
