His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I stole a fireplace last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
