Define "chronic" masturbator.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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