i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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