I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
