I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
