whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
