i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Soap is not a condiment
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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