Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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