she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
