you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He kissed a someone with a penis
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
