Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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