Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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