He disabled his match.com account in front of me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
