So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
