I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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