Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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