I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
