why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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