i wish peter jackson would direct porn
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
