I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
