eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
