Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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