I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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