he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You may now shotgun with the bride
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
