My underwear smells like fireworks.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
