His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
