When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
